rrraksamam

I stared at her picture on my phone. A sharp pain surged deep within my heart and I closed my eyes, breathing in, holding it, and slowly releasing a sigh. It was hard to let go. The only person in my life in a while. And now she had to go. She had to be set free.

She was free. I had never held her back. But my heart... my poor sodding heart, needy and clingy as always... The distance between us had grown tremendously; the space between us filled up with all the words we didn't say to each other, or rather, the words I had not said to her. She had never been much of a talker.

I opened my eyes and looked at her for one last time. Then pressed delete.

I looked up and blinked, staring into the distance, as I felt the tears brimming up at the corners of my eyes. Emotional. I had always been emotional. She knew it would hurt me – to exit my life the way she'd chosen to. I had been vocal about everything that I felt. She hadn't. Did she miss me? Would she? Probably not.

I didn't blame her. I blamed myself. I was a fool who didn't respect boundaries. I had no limits. She had wanted a friend. And I, a lover. She wanted to take things slow, and see where it would end up. I, already had a destination in mind. And my journey, was a Ford GT on an F1 track.

When I loved, I went in all the way, nothing held back, nothing left unsaid. It was too much for her. She couldn't handle me. She needed space, and quiet. I needed her.

But now I didn't have her. I didn't have anyone.

People are so cautious when meeting others, dating and falling in love. I wasn't. I didn't want to be. Love, for me, had no room for personal reservations.

And now I had an important lesson to learn; a lesson on pain. The first tear dropped, followed closely by the next, forming a warm stream down my cold cheek. I wanted to cry out loud, but I couldn't. The wave of emotions choked me.